Hi guys, thanks for accidentally coming.

 

When a mysterious tramp suggested I write a language based blog post, I only had one question – “What time is it and why are you in my bedroom?”

 

But then I thought, hey, I lived in Japan for almost five years and once saw a dildo shaped like HELLO KITTY, so if I`m not qualified to write an educational language article then who the hell is?

Now you have too.

 

After all, any chump can learn how to say “yes”, “no” right? You need words that will make you into a shining beacon of communication! Words that will open doorways to cultural intricacy and adventures in linguistics! Words that will get you laid!

 

Words like:

 

 

 

Sugoi

 

(suh – goi)

 

Basically this means ‘great’, ‘wonderful’, ‘totally super-rad’. Japanese girls say this A LOT. So much in fact that within the course of your first day in Japan it goes from being adorable and cute to making you want to stamp on Guinea Pigs.

 

1.

 

A) I went to a Japanese hot spring for the first time this week.

 

B) Sugoi!

 

2.

 

A) Really? I mean it’s not that great…it’s just a hot spring. In England we don’t have hot springs.

 

B) Sugoi!

 

3.

 

A) What? Look…it’s nice that you’re so excited about what I’m doing but could you please not say that word for a while? It’s kind of making me want to hurt myself.

 

B) SugHEADBUTT.

 

 

 

So there you go, when girls in Japan surround you and start screaming at you in shrill voices, just enjoy it; they’re complimenting you. If they start screaming at you in shrill voices and have red eyes and start biting you then it’s probably some kind of possession.

 

 

 

Kimoi

 

(kih – moi)

 

Another solid all rounder. It’s kind of a mix between ‘gross’, ‘creepy’ and ‘grabby uncle’. Japanese tend to use adjectives as a full sentence so you will hear this word murmured during a gory scene in a movie, when somebody steps in dog crap or when a creepy old man drops his pants in front of a bus-load of school kids.

 

1.

 

A) How was the zombie movie?

 

B) Kimoi!

 

 

2.

 

A) Look at this Polaroid.

 

B) Kimoi!

 

 

3.

 

A) Have you ever seen one of these do this before?

 

B) Kimoi!

 

 

Got that? Ok then let’s move onto the last one.

 

Uzai

 

(Oo-zai)

 

The Japanese rely on intonation to do their effin and jeffing for them. So although this word means ‘annoying’ in principle, it can mean anything from that up to ‘effing annoying’.

 

1.

 

A) Sugoi!

 

B) Uzai.

 

 

2.

 

A) Sugoi!

 

B) UZAI.

 

 

3.

 

A) Sugoi!

 

B) UZAIIIIIII!!!!!!

 

 

 

So there we go guys. Three words that will undoubtedly be as useful to you as using fake profile pictures for online chatting have been for me. I hope you enjoyed it, see you next time!

 

Ganbatte,

 

 

 

Benzaemon

 

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